Involuntary Time Travel
Have you ever wished you could be younger? Or sneak into the future and see what you’ll be like when you’re older? I know how. Catch the stomach flu that I had this week. For the first two days I was like a newborn. Everything I ate or drank ended up everywhere but in my digestive system. Everything in my digestive system ended up anywhere else. I stayed in bed all day. And whined. But my wife was an angel, giving Florence Nightingale a run for her money.
On days three and four I aged 80 years. Still needed diapers and could only eat the equivalent of baby food. I still stayed in bed and whined. But something changed in me – and in my wife. I started losing my will to get better. She surreptitiously started researching euthanasia and the technical differences between murder, involuntary manslaughter and temporary insanity. She said it was for some research she was doing. I wondered. By day five I was back into my comfortable middle ages. I ate toast and it stayed where I put it. I got out of bed. My wife suddenly remembered (as she walked out of the house) that she’d left the gas on the stove on, but unlit. All is well until I’m 80.