Facts I Learned Too Late

Did you know that a skunk can spray up to 15 feet?  Or that a skunk can spray up to six times in a row? Did you know that concentrated skunk spray smells ten times worse than when it’s lingering in the air?  I didn’t either – until two weeks ago. My gardener, Pillo, texted me that there was a skunk in my chicken coop.  We assessed the situation and decided we would open all the doors and spray the skunk with a hose to encourage him to leave.  We took up strategic positions about 10 feet away (“outside” his spray range). Pillo manned the hose while I used a broom to “direct” the skunk out of the coop.  The first shot surprised me; I barely had time to turn my shoulders and took a direct shot in the back.  Pillo, assuming the skunk was empty, grabbed the broom and started pushing the skunk out. The second shot hit him in the chest. While we barfing and tearing off our clothes to escape the horrid pong, the enemy fired a couple more rounds simply to insult us and assert his dominance.  I used to think skunks were dumb because they can’t seem to cross a road without getting squashed.  I’ve changed my mind. Those skunks aren’t dumb, they’re fanatic martyrs taking one for the team to make a bunch of our cars smell horrible.   In battle, “intelligence” is key.  I’m a lot smarter now, regardless of what I smell like.